I’ve often heard how terrible the writing of 50 Shades of Gray was, but I never actually read any of it. Well, recently that all changed when I found an excerpt online. I got about halfway through it before holding myself back from punching through the screen. This garbage sold how many copies?

While I’m not a fan of romance or erotica, I have nothing against people reading it. And I assumed the writing would have to be well done for it to ever become popular—but I guess I was wrong. The 50 Shades excerpt I read was beyond awful. So, I decided to do a little rewrite of it. Which is what you’re about to read.

Now, it should be noted that I didn’t change everything, or even the original the sentence structure. So, the odd spaces, terrible run-on sentences, and awful dialogue is all E.L James doing. You can read the original except here.

But before reading that, I suggest you read my version and try to guess what I added, and what awfulness is hers. I’m not hating on the work, but it definitely isn’t my cup of tea. This didn’t take very long to do and is quite immature, but somehow I feel it fits with the original work perfectly. I hope you guys find this as fun to read as it was for me to rewrite.

Caleb James

DPW Editor-In-Chief

50 Shades of Brown



  1. Hilarious 😂 Yes, I read the book! Your version is more of a dirty old man! Had this been the read (I think those who haven’t read it believe yours is the true story of filth) I would have never in my life! Omg I’m so ashamed…


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