“You can do this and you will. I’m sorry I left. I didn’t have a choice. But if you take those pills, you’ll never see me again. Those pills won’t bring you to me; they’ll make sure you never see me again. Do you want that Mel? Do you want to spend an eternity apart?”

Shaking her head, she raised her chin so she was eye to eye with him. “I just don’t want to be here if you’re not. I love you so much Brett. I’ve loved you for so long. I don’t know how not to.”

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“If you love me you won’t take those pills. This is only temporary. I’ve seen God, Mel. Heaven is real, and I want you to be there beside me.”

“God’s not real! If he were you’d still be here and we’d be happy. No just God would separate us. You were so young! We were so young! Why you?” She cried once more, dropping her head into the crook of his neck. “It’s not fair… It’s just not fair…

“Whoever said life was supposed to be fair?” Laughing gently, he stroked her hair before placing a kiss atop her head and smiling. He whispered, “We will see each other again, Mel. You’ve just got to be strong. I want you to move on. I want you to find someone else to give your heart to. You can have what we had again. There is someone else out there waiting to love you. You’ve just got to open yourself up to the possibility.”

“There is no possibility! I will never love anyone the way I love you! How can you even suggest I try to move on? What if I was the one who’d died that day? Would you feel the same way? Would you be moving on with someone else?” Anger replaced the sorrow on her face as she did her best to make sense of what he’d said. “It’s just that easy huh? Move on? Love again? Well if it’s so fucking easy why haven’t I been able to do it? You think I want to feel like I’m slowly dying from the inside out? You think I like feeling this suffocating, all-consuming pain every fucking day?”

“Mel…” he sighed. “Come on… You know that’s not how I meant it. Please try to understand. I’m only trying to tell you what I think is best for you. I’m not saying any of this to hurt you. I’d never want to hurt you… Can’t you see that Mel? Can’t you see how much I love you?”

“It’s a little too fucking late for that! I’m in pain every day! Nothing helps! I need you, why can’t we just be together?” Anger forgotten, she sunk to the floor and wrapped her arms around him—leaning as far into him as the small space of the bathroom would allow—and began to place kisses to his face, paying no attention to the tears that still ran down her own. She had long given up on the notion that he was a hallucination. And even if he were, she never wanted it to end. “Just stay with me. Don’t you miss me? Just stay….”

“Only for a little while…” he whispered in between kisses, “Only for tonight…”

“Then let’s make tonight last forever…” she whispered, placing a single kiss to his lips before standing. She gave a small smile and walked to their bedroom. He followed, knowing he had already stayed longer than time was allowed. But he followed her anyway. If he had to spend eternity in solitude for breaking the rules for her, he would. She needed him tonight, and not even death was going to stop him from being by her side.

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No words were said as they made their way to their bed for the final time. Words had no place where they would lay down their love for each other. They would let their bodies say everything their hearts had screamed for so long.

In those fleeting moments, passion overcame sense. After so long apart, they were one; wholeness consumed them as never before. Tears ran freely from their eyes, lips caressed, and the stony silence that had plagued her for so long now sang a song so sweet her heart wept with joy. Pain didn’t exist as he held her; there was no distance to crush her soul, only the sound of their hearts beating in a rhythmic melody with each breath they took. It was euphoric. It was bliss. It was everything she had never had, and everything he’d ever given her before—wrapped into a perfect combination of love and lust. With each stroke of his hands she felt her heart-break and heal. His kisses held promises she knew he could never keep, but it was also good-bye. It was his way of showing her that though this would be the last time he would ever hold her, he would miss her as much as she missed him.

Time would always prove to be their enemy. But as he kissed her tonight, she knew he was far from a hallucination concocted from her grief. Their love had simply proved too strong even for death. His love for her knew no bounds. And as he loved her body for the last time, he placed a kiss to her cheek, watching as she slipped into unconsciousness before softly whispering, “My love for you will never leave you. Hold on to me in your moments of weakness, and know that I am never truly gone. Pray when you know you are about to break. Ask for strength. And know that while you may not see me, I will always be here.  I will always be in your heart.“ He faded into the night, leaving her alone once more.

Life moved on like it always does. And she found with each passing day, missing him got a little easier. The weight of the world slowly lifted from her chest. And on those days when she felt like she was suffocating, she would kneel down and say a prayer. He had given her strength that night—which had allowed her to love someone as much as she did him. He had been right when he said she would find love again, though she doubted it would ever be on Earth. Her relationship with God had never been stronger. Each morning she prayed—each night she kissed Brett’s picture. And somehow in between all the tears, she realized that he was still there. She felt him beside her on those cold nights spent alone, knowing that his hand would forever be on her shoulder. Their love for each other would reside permanently in her heart—along with the knowledge that he had cared enough to cross the heavens to save her.

If he could cross the heavens for her, she sure as hell could live for him.

Previous Page

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If you enjoyed this, check out Christen’s other previously published work.

Without Him



  1. Man, this was an awesome story!
    I really loved the fluidity of prose, the transition between dialogue and narration.
    Well done! Can’t wait to read more by this author!

    Liked by 1 person

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