If they care about you more than they care about themselves, they’ll put in the effort.
Some people come into our lives at just the right time. Maybe we’re going through a hard time and we randomly meet someone new—a person who we instantly bond with. Or maybe we meet someone at a turning point in our lives and they just fit with what we’re doing at that time. These types of friends are often circumstantial friends. They could be people we meet at work, or school, or even online. The problem is, these people don’t always stay in our lives after we move on from the place where we first met them.
How many times have you gotten close with people you work with, only to never speak to them years later after you quit the job? It’s nobodies fault, really. In most cases you slowly drift apart until that person just becomes somebody you used to know. And you know what? That’s okay.
Not everyone is meant to be in our lives for the long haul. Sometimes a person can have just as much of an impact on us in a short period of time as others who have known us for the majority of our lives. Sure, it’s weird when you pass an old friend at the store and you both instinctively ignore each other to avoid the awkward “catching up” moment. But it happens to all of us at some point.
When it comes down to it, we grow as individuals. The person you used to booze with in your early 20s might not fit the lifestyle you’re living now. Especially if they’re still boozing and you’re working towards bettering your life. And that’s not a knock on that person. They have the choice to live their life anyway they please. Just like you.
The thing is, just like the old drinking buddy turned alcoholic, you need to know when enough is enough. You can’t force yourself to stay in a friendship that isn’t working. At some point you’ll have to move on. Whether the other person wants to move with or away from you is their choice.
You never want to hold yourself back for the sake of fitting in with others. Even if it’s a friend who you’ve been close with for a very long time. If you start to go in different directions in life, don’t be afraid to go your direction while they go theirs. This is especially true if the friendship has turned toxic.
It sucks, but some people just hold us back. No matter how close we are with them or how much we like being around them, a toxic friendship can really inhibit the progress you’re trying to make in life. It’s like the guy who quits drinking only to realize all his friends are drunks. Now he must choose: quit drinking and be friendless but better his life, or stay where he’s at and never progress. The choice seems obvious from the outside. But when the decision is yours to make, it can be much harder than you’d imagined.
This doesn’t mean you have to dump all your friends because they don’t share your life goals. But you do need to surround yourself with supportive people who want you to succeed in life. Unfortunately, some of our closest friends don’t. Which is why you should never feel bad about making new friends.
An important thing to remember is, you want to surround yourself with people who are where you want to be. Want to be a successful writer? Become friends with successful writers. Want to become a fancy sweater wearing yacht guy? Hang around fancy sweater wearing yacht guys.
Trust me when I say, it really sucks letting people go sometimes. But not everyone is willing to put the work in to keep the friendship healthy. And friendship is a two-way street. You can’t always give without the other person giving something back. It’s not fair to you.
We tend to hang onto people who no longer deserve our attention. These are the people who you always have to text first, call first, ask to hangout, plan things for, and all the other things that show they aren’t putting nearly the same amount of effort into the friendship as you are. You know what you do? Let them fade away.
If someone wants to be your friend, they’ll put in the effort. If they care about you more than they care about themselves, they’ll put in the effort. It shouldn’t always be up to you to keep the friendship going. And honestly, if it comes to that, you should really focus on improving your own life instead of keeping the friendship alive. It’s okay to let go.
Don’t take this in a depressing way, either. It can be hard to see our futures through the troubles of today. But ultimately, you must live for yourself. You won’t be able to give the best of yourself to others if you can’t even give yourself the best of you.
Know your worth and know what you deserve. Chase your dreams and crush your goals. If you’re lucky, your current friends will be supportive and want to be there when you succeed. But if they aren’t, that’s okay, too. Because in the end, it’s you’re life. You get the final say on what happens. And you get to choose who you give your time to.
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