It’s 8 p.m. Thanksgiving night. Hundreds of customers are piling up at the entrance. It doesn’t matter that the temperature has dropped to single digits; it doesn’t cool their fevered minds—hot with anger and anticipation to beat the others to THEIR deals.
Their strategies have been developed long before the doors are set to open. Alliances are made, enemies forged. All they can do now is wait. Wait with furious tension until they can make their move. The snow has started to fall, but the doors are still not opened. This only intensifies the murmurings and frantic vibrations of the humming crowd. With lack of patience come fists crashing into the locked doors with thunderous reverberation. The hive mind has reached a fever pitch and all common decency has given way to primal rage.
In years past this idiotic nonsense didn’t occur on Thanksgiving. You at least had this one day to spend with family before you embarked on your Black Friday journey of pointless consumerism—sinking deeper and deeper into debt on junk you don’t need. But Thanksgiving was always the calm before the storm. Now, though, the need to mindlessly spend is so strong it has started to invade the holiday, leaving many unable or unwilling to spend time with their loved ones.
This year is nearly the same as the one before, except the group had gathered outside earlier in the day as people attempted to get THEIR coveted discounts before anyone else. It’s worse for the stores who aren’t open all day; they have to find ways to sneak their employees inside without letting any of the hungry parasites gain entry before they’re allowed.
The 24/7 stores have their own particular problems to deal with, of course. No matter how much they prepare, something bad always happens before the sales even start. But you know what I say? fuck them! They bring this on themselves. They could literally pick any other day out of the year to have this ridiculous event. Instead, they pick the one day you’re supposed to give thanks for what you already have to play host this disgusting display of greed. Why do we allow this materialistic horseshit to stomp all over Thanksgiving while forcing employees to suffer through the hellish nightmare that is Black Friday? Just so the big wigs can get a couple extra dollars when their bonus comes rolling around?
If I knew whose bright idea it was to start this tradition, I’d find a way to time travel just so I could go back and kick them in the teeth and stop this from ever becoming a staple of the holiday season. It’s almost as if some foreign regime had an insidious agenda against this nation and figured out how to destroy the country from within by creating Black Friday. I just hope since they keep starting the sale earlier each new year we eventually reach a point where the sale starts on Wednesday and we can finally enjoy Thanksgiving again.
Ah shit, it’s time. The doors are finally opened.
The masses flow into the aisle like a black swarm of locust that consumes everything it comes in contact with; nothing is free from their ravaging greed. That includes the poor employees who get caught in the crossfire of the hordes vicious, grabbing claws. Some will lose their lives today. And over what? So some fat slob can save 50 bucks on a 70 inch flat screen? But hey, what’s a human life matter when you can get a great deal, right?
Oh well, at least they have cheap tablets this year. My daughter has been begging me to get her a new one. Now if I can just get these idiots to move out of my way…
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