As the days pass by like a fallen autumn leaf skittering across the ground in a stiff breeze, I find myself missing you more and more with the arrival of each new day. When you first left it felt like a bomb had detonated over my world. A fiery explosion incinerated everything in its path and left me standing alone in the smoldering rubble. And as I stood there alone—much like how I stand before your empty grave now—I feel lost. Where are you, sweetheart? What happened to you?
Slowly, with the passage of time aiding in my recovery, I was able to begin the arduous process of rebuilding my life. Though, I now find myself staring at a shell of my former life. Aesthetically, everything looks the same. Our home still has the same inviting furnishings that it possessed when you were here. But gone is the warmth—the heart that pumped life through it and made it truly a home has proven to be irreplaceable.
If only you could have stayed a little longer. Long enough for me to say goodbye. Perhaps then this empty feeling wouldn’t exist inside of my chest. If I could’ve just let you know how much you meant to me. If only I had one more day with you.
I try my best to search out meaning in my life now. But these days are long and unforgiving. It’s as if all the beauty in the world left when you did. Now I’m forced to view life in endless shades of gray.
Not all is lost, though. For one part of you is still with me. And no, I’m not referring to the many memories we shared together. I’m speaking about our dog, Lucy. If you were still here I’m sure you’d be just as shocked as I to see that the old girl is still kicking. 24 years old. I bought her for you the day after we were married and here she is, still alive and well. Who would’ve guessed it?
I must say, though, like me, the old girl is often tired. And she still waits at the front door every evening. Even though it takes great effort for her to make her way over there, she does it without fail. She waits for you, my dear, to come home. And if I’m being honest, a part of me waits too. For no matter how much time passes by, a tiny sliver of hope sits deep within my soul. The kind of hope that whispers in my ear and lets me know that we will one day be together again. If not in this lifetime, perhaps in another.
Until that day arrives, Lucy and I shall wait for you. Dreaming that you’ll one day come back to us.
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