It seems as though I am dead. Don’t gloat—I know you told me so, but thunderstorm or not, I needed a new broom and the nice metal ones were on sale. And with my car in the shop after the kamikaze raccoon incident, I thought it best to walk. Who could have guessed this particular walk would have killed me? I mean, I was absolutely in the worst place at the wrong time, no fault of mine. How was I supposed to know there was a faulty gas main at the Home Depot, and that at the precise moment it was my turn to check out (hell of a line by the way), that gas main would explode, sending me and the whole Home Depot to Kingdom Come and halfway back? But I guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles, or whatever.
If I’m being completely honest, I am rather disappointed with how things shook out—lots left unfinished, movies left unseen, and a whole DVR that was just waiting for a free weekend. But for the most part, I’m just glad I got to go out in a blaze of glory. I mean, a whole Home Depot goes up in smoke, it’s gotta make the news, right?
But I digress.
Have no fear, for I am alive and well. Or I guess just well; I did explode, I wasn’t lying about that, honest. But yeah, I am a spirit now, and it’s a pretty neat gig. If you ever visit whatever they end up building here, I’ll be there fulfilling my ghostly contract to haunt the hell out of (or perhaps into) the place. Gotta say, I’m actually looking forward to it. The lifestyle rather suits me—scaring people, moving crap around, and just generally causing trouble. It’ll be like when I was six again, but now with weird voodoo magic and whatnot. And I suppose it is good that I like the job, seeing as there isn’t much else I can do these days. I somehow doubt semi-vengeful spirits are in high demand in the living economy. And yeah, the hours are a little long, but the pay is solid and I have plenty of vacation days.
Speaking of vacation days, I’ll be able to visit home for Christmas! Give Dad my best, and make sure to give Nana a heads up—I’d hate to give her a heart attack and have to spend the holiday going through the onboarding process with her.
Lots of love,
Professional Poltergeist Region 341-789-B
P.S.: Sorry if I caused any confusion with the return address—I had to send this from my new work office. The USPS guy refused to take or send letters from a dead guy unless it was sent through “proper channels”, and the private delivery guys just refused and said some very rude things to me about the “power of Christ” compelling me to do so-and-so or such-and-such before screaming and running like assholes. Who knew the Post Office’s universal service obligation applied to deceased citizens as well? – LJ
P.P.S.: Grampa wanted me to tell you he says hi. Don’t know why there wasn’t more to it, but yeah. – LJ
About The Author
Dylan Amadeck is a writer whose ultimate goal is simply to provide people with stories and characters to enjoy, especially in trying times such as these. He is a self-proclaimed Dungeons and Dragons addict and is on an endless quest to possess all of the Star Wars lore (a task currently taking up quite a lot of space in his apartment).
If you want to see what else Dylan is up to, you can follow him on Twitter @DAmadeck or head on over to dylanamadeckwriter.wordpress.com